Questions as a Mixed Race Person

Asking yourself who you are can be challenging, especially if you find it hard to identify the person you are speaking to.

I, fortunately, live in a city that has a diverse population.  Pittsburgh Pennsylvania is a mix of Irish, Italian, African American, Slovak, Croatian, Polish, and Ukrainian.  It is a place patched together by small 'boroughs' and 'townships' historically, ethnically based.

Traditionally, anyone from these neighboring areas never 'crossed over' into anyone else's area because of the idea of 'keeping with one's own kind'.  Now, on the city bus, I see more and more young mothers and fathers who've crossed all over those lines with their mixed race children.

Growing up in the late 70's as one of these children, I was aware of my mixed race identity from about the age of 4.  It was something that my mother was very intent on reinforcing - my dad, he just assumed that we had 'the best of both worlds', and that we (the kids) were 'the future of the human race'.

This was admirable to think, but I had more questions than, I found, both of my parents had answers for.  

I wondered how I looked more like my mom's family than my dad's.  Why didn't we see my dad's side of the family as much as my mom's?  What did she mean by 'your dad's family doesn't know why he married me...'?  How come my grandfather (mom's father) usually ended up in a strong disagreement with my dad where my dad would tell me privately afterward 'he just doesn't like me because I'm white'?

I did and did not feel comfortable bringing my questions up to my parents.  After all, they were distinctly 'black' and 'white'; not like me: 'black' mixed with 'white'...or, maybe, 'white' mixed with 'black', or maybe something else.

Being the oldest sibling, the oldest of my cousins that were of mixed heritage as well, some of them looked to me for direction.  Ironically, though, they too had a very hard time speaking out and verbalizing their questions.  Most of the time it seemed like they pretended not to have the same dilemmas.  I, also, was too afraid to find out.

This went on until I was 14 years old.  I remember a marked shift in the way people treated me just after entering high school.  Everyone polarized into more or less racial and class based friend groups.  I tended to relate to people from many races and classes.

Still, my previous family questions persisted, as well as many, many more confusing new ones:

'Will I always look like this?'

'Is it genetic that I find myself more comfortable with one racial group over another?'

'Should I be attracted to 'black' girls, 'white' girls  - 'mixed' girls?'

'What kind of place would I want to live where I would be understood?'

'Am I the only one of this mix?'

'Am I the only one who seriously thinks about these things?'

My questions for you are these:

Do you have similar questions from your youth?

Are you still very young, asking similar questions?

If you are older, how many of these questions have you been able to get explanations for?

Have your family or friends been helpful in discussing this?  What do they say about these things?